Some topics are impossible to ignore, like self-doubt, one that often invades my personality. For ambitious people like me, self-doubt will inhibit momentum and cripple confidence. It can be like a thirty-ton anchor dragged along the seabed, all but halting my progress toward the island paradise for which I've set sail. But it can be raised from below, can’t it? I think it can. In fact, when you dive underwater to take a look, when you swim all the way to the bottom, do you even see the anchor at all? Some people might, others might not. Some days I might, other days I might not. In which case it's just a fear-based illusion to begin with, at least, that’s what I’m starting to find true.
So how do I go about eliminating self-doubt from my consciousness? The soldiers I’ve decided to deploy, at least initially in my fight against self-doubt are this website, plus a personal credo. Let’s start with the latter. When I sat down to plot out my top ten reasons for releasing my soul’s work to those who may read it, one of those top ten happened to be, “I will write without fear.” Subsequently, as I’ve worked on newer pieces, and something within the story or poem challenges me (either emotionally or egoically), I have trained my mind to connect to that credo, “I will write without fear.” For now it has been imprinted into my consciousness, and truthfully, I hope it stays there, because I see the link between self-doubt and fear to be incredibly strong.
As for the website, I say up front that I intend to be open to the freedom of exploration and experimentation. Certainly, that will leave me open to negativity and baneful criticism. Yet without fear, that seems doable, although I understand the impermanence of all things, including fearless states of mind. Self-doubt is an enemy that I wish to eliminate, thus this website and this blog feel like steps toward victory. The fact is I am taking a stand against self-doubt because I believe deeply in freedom of speech, freedom of expression, and in my own ability. The last statement alone tells me I'm on the right path. It tells me the time has come to let go of the self-doubt, the over-analysis, the neurosis, the fear. And I’m grateful for the opportunity.